I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
