If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
