I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
