i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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