You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
