hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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