Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
