Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
