i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
