How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
