Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
