its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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