How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
