A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
