Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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