Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Randomize
