I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
