All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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