At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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