I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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