Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
