Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
