after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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