I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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