I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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