He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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