CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
