I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
