Sry I called you an 8
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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