if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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