Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
