I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
