ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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