Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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