1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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