i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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