if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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