You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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