I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
