he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
