I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
