Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
