Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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