Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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