it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
