Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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