ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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