You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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