He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
