Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
