A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
