I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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