She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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