2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
