she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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