I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
