just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
