Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
