Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
