i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
