I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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