I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
