Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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