Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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