she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
