so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
