Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
