its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize